Thursday, January 28, 2010

Catching up... again!

Have you ever been so busy that when you finally have time to sit down and write... well, you just cant think of anything to say?!  That's where I've been that last several weeks.  A lot has happened.
Christmas was wonderful despite that my husband was still deployed.  We had a beautiful white Christmas and although we had two blizzards (I even got to drive through one... yikes!) and some cabin fever moments we know we're truly blessed to have a warm home and no worries about our income or health.
The year ended and began with my 30 year old cousin, Jennifer, dying a quick unexpected death and leaving behind a then 4 month old son and a huge family that will miss her.  It was and still is so shocking.  To add to the sadness I have about that, my husbands grandmother also died unexpectantly within days of Jennifer.  This lady was the first one to really welcome me into the family and was the sweetest lady I had known.  Needless to say... I cried and even as I write this I have tears in my eyes.  Then we also received word that my husbands uncle had also passed away although we werent notified until recently due to other circumstances.  So a red cross message was sent to my dear husband regarding all of these losses... only to find out that his unit also suffered some losses (the first of the new year in Afghanistan) that same weekend.  Needless to say I have had several conversations about death, heaven and daddy's safety with the kids.  I am worn out and hence... just couldnt blog.
Then Haiti happened.  My kids dont understand and I am doing everything in my power to not have the TV on the news channel.  We know people who have family that have gone to help... Lord watch over them!
So, a new year has started and a lot of people are working on their new years resolutions.  I gave up on those a long time ago... but I was introduced to a new thought.  K-Love radio station is sending a challenge for us to have a word for the year.  One that sums up what or where we want to be by the end of the year.  I have prayed about this and I have chosen the word STILL.  I fight panic/anxiety and depression (even on some meds for it) and I have found that (esp as a military wife in deployment mode) I try to keep myself busy.  So busy that I really havent allowed myself to be still and quiet for even a moment.  The Bible says to ' still and know that I am God.'.  If you read Psalm 46 you'll find that this chapter is about having confidence in God our refuge.  The first two verses say: "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging."  (I am thinking of Haiti and so many other disasters)  If you read on the chapter talks about "He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth; he breaks the bow and shatters the spear.... Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted in the earth." 
I stay so busy because I dont want to let myself worry about the things around me that I cant control anyway.  I worry about the war(s) that my husband the rest of my military family is in... I fear disasters... I fear and worry about a lot of things and it can throw me into a panic/anxiety fit.  But I havent allowed myself to 'Be still and know he is God'.  So... my word this year is STILL.  That I will slow down, make myself be still... allow God to show me who he is and that I have no need to worry because he is my fortress and my ever present help in time of need.  I can rest in Him and know that he cares for me and will take care of the things that concern me.
I am back to blogging... and this year I hope that I can slow down... enjoy the things that I have missed while 'running' by.
What will your word be this year?!

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